"You've made your bed, now lie in it"

It's been such a good day. Annabelle and Joel were both at nursery and, with Adelais still napping for the majority of the day, I found myself free to do whatever I pleased. I ate my lunch without anyone trying to take the cheese out of my sandwich. I had a bath where the door remained closed and the bubbles remained in the tub. I cleaned the house and it STAYED CLEAN. Can you imagine? Sheer bliss.

I've always wanted a big family. 3 kids still doesn't seem enough and I worry that even after we've had another (because we are definitely going to try for another), that I still will feel like I am missing a piece of my family. We want to foster, and I hope that will help satiate my desire to have thousands of children, but when I look at families like the Radfords (20 kids and counting) I get a buzz and can't help but want something similar. 

I've hit a funny stage in my parenting journey where I feel like I can't complain about it anymore. "You chose to have them", runs through my mind every time I struggle with the mess, the shouting or the total disregard for doing anything that I say. 3 kids under 4 is pretty darn hard, but I still want another, and I still think it's totally worth it. Does that mean I can't be real about it anymore? Like, I should just be getting on with it. "You've made your bed".

The thing is, whatever you choose to do in life can get hard at times. Your career, where you live, who you're friends with, they all have seasons of being difficult. Just because you chose something doesn't mean you're not entitled to be real about the struggles. 

I always think there is a difference between 'being real' and 'complaining' though. One feels like there is still a 'let's push through' mentality and the other feels very stagnant. I never want to be stagnant. Ultimately, parenting is a joy. These three little monkeys of mine bring me so much pleasure and, even when they're all kicking off, I am able to remind myself that it is all worth it in the end. It's like a mountain climber; there are pretty awful parts climbing mountain faces, and scrambling over rocks, but the view from the top makes it all worth while.

So, this is me just letting you all know that, yes, I chose to have these kids and I am immensely proud of that, but being real is super important to me. Expect more posts about all that I find hard. Expect the ugly truths and the disasters, but expect it to always be laced with pride and the knowledge that this is exactly what I want. 


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