Let's chat capacity

I keep having chats with people about capacity. 

I think we're using the term wrong.

We talk about capacity as if it's a level of how much we can 'do'. We use it as a way to placate ourselves when we can't do anything extra, "I don't have capacity for that", and as a way of justifying our actions when comparing ourselves to others (which we shouldn't do by the way), "We all have different capacities", but this all makes it seem as if different people are capable of handling more than others and so are better.

I had a chat recently with someone about cleaning. She said she just didn't have the capacity for cleaning on top of everything else that she was doing. I thought all the way through our conversation that she was making it sound as if her lack of capacity here was a bad thing. Like, if we don't have a 'high capacity' then we are somehow secondary mums/wives/people. 

We're not talking about it correctly. You see it's not about 'capacity'. It's about sacrifice. When we say, "I don't have capacity for that", we mean, "I'm choosing not to because I value the other things that I'm doing". This is a much better way of thinking about it!

It's not a comparison game, but let's chat about my personal life. I choose to spend time cleaning my house because I enjoy it. I sacrifice rest time in order to do it. I choose to lie in until the kids are awake in the mornings. I sacrifice getting a morning shower and looking fresh every day. I choose to vlog and blog and spend time on social media. I sacrifice an hour of play with my children.

It's not about 'how much we can do' as if it's some kind of capacity competition, instead each of us choose and sacrifice things in our life to accomodate the things we love and think are important. I wish we were able to think about it this way more. We would be able to look at our own lives and see all the things that we are able to choose, instead of all the things that we aren't doing. I suffer from this all the time too.

I look at people with children who's clothes are impeccable and who always look stunning themselves and suffer from the dreaded jealousy. But I have chosen to lie in and I value my sleep more. I look at people with huge homes where the interior design is beautiful. But I have chosen to save money for the land that we eventually want to buy. I look at people who do crafts and upcycle furniture. But I have chosen to watch loose women and this morning (no judgement). We all choose different things and we make sacrifices to accomodate those. It's all okay. Whatever we are doing is 'high capacity'. 

We're so competitive. I wish we could all (yes, all. Me included), give ourselves a break. We don't have to do it all, and at any point we can change what we choose and what we sacrifice. It's not a competition guys, so let's just celebrate each other for the different things we value as important and let go of our own insecurities. It's much more fun that way.